Fan Ni
Rizhao
City, Shandong Province
In autumn of 2001,
I went back home for the National Day holiday. Before I arrived at
home, I heard from a classmate that now there was a very powerful
“heresy” called the “Eastern Lightning,” and my mother had
been “deceived” by it for seven months. At the news, I was
overwhelmed with anxiety, and I hurried to my uncle’s home (who was
a preacher I adored). Before I asked anything about my mother, he
said to me, “Your mother has accepted the ‘Eastern Lightning,’
and she runs around outside all day long. She went to the brothers’
and sisters’ homes to preach the gospel and even didn’t leave
when they drove her. She has really disgraced me. Brothers and
sisters in the church all came to ask me what to do with her, and I
said to them that I didn’t acknowledge her as my sister anymore,
she had been expelled by the church, and they could just drive her
away. I heard that those people had discarded the Bible but read a
so-called little scroll. That book is very powerful. Once you read
it, you will be captivated. Do be careful, Xiao-ni. You must stand
the ground. Though she is your mother, this is about belief. That
doesn’t count…” Every word of my uncle pierced my heart, and I
couldn’t help feeling nervous. “So it is true that the ‘Eastern
Lightning’ is a heresy! Otherwise, how could my uncle speak about
my mother in that way? How could my mother become like this now? Is
it really true that she refused to leave others’ homes even when
they drove her? …” I was sad and frightened. How I hoped that my
uncle could draw her back! But from his words, I could know that my
mother was already “irredeemable.” At that time, I just wanted to
go home quickly to see my mother.
The way to home
wasn’t far, but I felt that it took me a long time. On the way, my
mind was in turmoil. I didn’t know how to face my mother and what I
should do to recover her. However, after I got home, my mother showed
great care for me as usual, and I couldn’t find anything abnormal
about her. Watching her familiar figure, I thought of my uncle’s
words. A fit of sadness seized me. I thought, “My father passed
away not long before, and my elder sister got married. Only my mother
and I were left relying on each other for life. But now, I have to
draw a clear line between us for the Lord’s sake. And I have to
guard against her lest I be deceived by her. She has been rejected by
the brothers and sisters, and the Lord has also deserted her. Now,
even her dearest daughter will keep away from her and guard against
her…” As I thought of this, my tears gushed out. I called on the
Lord in my heart, “O Lord! What is all this about? Why does such a
thing happen to me? What should I do, Lord?”
I observed that my
mother indeed stopped reading the Bible, so I argued with her many
times, in the hope of persuading her back. But she insisted that the
way she took was right, and she even tried to persuade me to accept
Almighty God. My efforts proved fruitless. As I was sure that she had
indeed gone astray, I prayed in the name of the Lord Jesus, asking
the Lord to drive the “demon” in my home away. And I also racked
my brains for a way to prevent my mother from reading that book. I
thought, “If I burn the book, she can’t read it.” But several
times when I wanted to burn it, I felt uneasy in my heart. So I
failed to do it.
Soon, the holiday
was over, and I had to leave home. But I still felt worried about my
mother. So I said to my elder sister again and again, “Keep a good
watch over Mum. If there is anything wrong with her, do give me a
call.” However, my sister said, “Don’t think strange thoughts.
I think our Mum is very normal, but the people in your church are
abnormal. They abused others, beat others, and threw urine over
others. I think they are even worse than the unbelievers.” I didn’t
expect that my unbelieving sister could say such words. I had nothing
more to say. So, with great worry in my heart, I went back to
Beijing. But whenever I thought of what my uncle said about my
mother, I felt very distressed. I had never expected that my mother,
who had always been so stubborn and proud and never tolerated others’
disrespect for her, could bow to others! “Mum, how could you become
like this? Why are you so silly? What force makes you do this? I
really don’t understand!” How eagerly I hoped that my mother
could “wake up.” I cried to the Lord, “O Lord! Where are You?
Please save my mother! …” I prayed like that almost every day,
and I hoped that I could go back home earlier to bring my mother back
to the Lord.
Finally, in early
August of 2002, I had an opportunity to go home. But after I arrived
home, I learned that three aunts of mine and my cousin had all
believed in Almighty God. I was stunned! It never occurred to me that
within less than one year, there was such a big change. What troubled
me more was that after knowing that I had come back, they came to
preach to me every day. I thought, “You have no discernment and
can’t stand the ground. I’m not like you.” So, no matter what
they said, I refused to accept it. My mother got very worried about
it. So, whenever she had time, she tried to persuade me to read that
book. Later, I thought, “Right. If I don’t know what’s written
in that book, how could I bring them back to the Lord? They are
‘captivated’ because of reading the book. What is there in the
book that makes them so obsessed?” With that thought, I went to my
uncle and discussed with him. However, he opposed it strongly. He
said that reading that book was testing God. Hearing his words, I
dared not read it. And I prayed for the Lord to strengthen my faith,
so that I could stand and not be swayed by the “heresy.” Seeing
that my heart was so hardened, my mother said to me, “My child,
please read the book. Otherwise you will regret it! God has revealed
all the mysteries and made clear all the truths to man. You will be
clear after you read it.” “No, I won’t regret. I believe that
the Lord Jesus won’t desert me.” I said determinedly. My mother
cried, saying, “I am your mother. I won’t harm you. I have never
begged you for anything before. But today I beg you. My dear girl,
read it! This is indeed God’s word. If you don’t read it, how
could you know whether it’s true or false? If you don’t read it
now, it will be too late for you to regret when the fact is
revealed…” My mother’s heartfelt words cut me like a whip. I
began to struggle in my heart. “If Mum’s words are true, will I
really not regret it then?” But I again remembered my uncle’s
words, “Do be careful! Stand the ground. We should never betray the
Lord Jesus! …” I was in a great dilemma, not knowing what to do.
So I cried with tears, “Enough! Stop it! I don’t want to read it!
You believe in yours and I believe in mine. Let’s not interfere
with each other…” Hearing my words, my mother knelt on the floor
and prayed in bitter tears, “O Almighty God! I have received such a
great grace from You, but I can’t testify You. I’m really
useless. I’m too ignorant and have hindered Your work. God! Please
enlighten my daughter, so that she can understand Your eagerness of
saving man and not be deceived by rumors anymore…” However, my
mother’s earnest words didn’t move my numb and hardened heart. I
watched her crying bitterly there with cold eyes, and even
heartlessly took it as Satan’s scheme. I thought to myself, “What
other trick do you have? Just play it! …” In the end, I could no
longer bear listening to any of her advice, and only wanted to escape
from there. Just when I turned around and was about to leave, my
mother stood up and took hold of me, asking me not to leave. But I
refused to hear anything. I flung her hands off and opened the door
and ran out. “Child, come back! Listen to me…” My mother’s
cries kept resounding in my ears… I wandered aimlessly, tears
flowing down my cheek incessantly. I kept asking myself, “Why? Why
is it so hard to believe in the Lord? Must my mother and I become
enemies? …”
After walking
around outside for a while, I went back home. I saw that my mother’s
eyes were red, her voice became hoarse, and there were blisters on
her lips. I couldn’t control my tears, and I covered my head with
the quilt, and cried loudly. Distress, confusion, and despair welled
up in my heart. I cried to the Lord, “Lord! I don’t want to leave
You, and even less do I want to betray You. But You know I don’t
have the ability to discern. You said that You would come again. Is
Almighty God my mother preached really You? O Lord! I’m
willing to seek You. If You have really come back, please enlighten
me and give me guidance. I have no strength to struggle and no longer
want to struggle. I’m willing to commit everything into Your hand…”
In the afternoon,
my mother saw that my attitude changed for the better, so she asked
two brothers to come to testify to me. At that time, I thought,
“Anyway, I must make the matter clear!” One brother said,
“Sister, I know that you feel pain and distress in your heart. We
once experienced this as you do today. If you have anything you don’t
understand, we can fellowship about it together…” Strangely, when
I heard their words, I felt as if they were my relatives, and I
didn’t feel strange to them at all. They were amiable and ordinary
and were not as frightening as what those rumors said at all. So I
put forward the question I was puzzled about all along: Why don’t
you read the Bible anymore? One brother took out the Bible and showed
me Hebrews 8:13, which says, “In that he said, A new covenant, he
has made the first old. Now that which decays and waxes old is ready
to vanish away.” And he also read me Revelation 5:1-5, “And
I saw in the right hand of him that sat on the throne a book written
within and on the backside, sealed with seven seals. … And one of
the elders said to me, Weep not: behold, the Lion of the tribe of
Juda, the Root of David, has prevailed to open the book, and to loose
the seven seals thereof.” Then he asked me, “God has
opened the book and revealed all the mysteries of the Bible to us.
Which one should we read, this opened book or the Bible?” I thought
to myself, “Only God can open the book. Could it be that God has
really come and opened the book? Is the book I wanted to burn the
book opened by the lamb? If it is so, who will still read the Bible?”
The brother seemed to read my thoughts. He opened the book of God’s
word and read these words to me: “You all need to
understand the Bible—it is very necessary that you do so. Today,
you don’t need to read the Bible any longer, for there is nothing
new in it; it’s all outdated. The Bible is a history book. If
during the Age of Grace you were to eat and drink the Old Testament,
practicing the requirements of the Old Testament age, then Jesus
would forsake you, condemn you. If you had tried to impose the Old
Testament on Jesus’ work, you would have been called a Pharisee.
And so today, if you eat and drink and practice the Old and New
Testaments, then the God of today will condemn you; you cannot keep
pace with the work of the Holy Spirit today. If you eat the Old and
New Testaments, then you are one outside the stream of the Holy
Spirit. In Jesus’ day, He led the Jews and all those who followed
Him according to the work of the Holy Spirit in Him. He did not look
to the Bible for evidence, but spoke as His work dictated. He did not
concern Himself with what the Bible said, did not lead His followers
down a path found in the Bible. From the very beginning, He preached
the way of repentance, and the word ‘repentance’ was not
mentioned at all in all the prophecies in the Old Testament. Not only
did He not follow the Bible, He brought forth a new path and did a
new work. He did not make reference to the Bible when He preached,
and the miracles He worked—healing the sick, casting out demons—had
never been performed by men during the Age of Law. No one in the Age
of Law did the work He did, taught those lessons, had that authority.
He simply did His new work, though many people condemned Him, even
crucified Him, by using the Bible. His work went beyond the Old
Testament; if that had not been the case, why would they have nailed
Him to the cross? Was it not because His teachings, His power to cure
the sick and cast out demons, had never been recorded in the Old
Testament? The work of Jesus was to bring forth a new path; He did
not deliberately set out to ‘wage war’ against the Bible or
abolish the Old Testament, but simply performed His ministry,
bringing the new work to those who thirsted for Him and sought Him
out. He was not trying to explain the Old Testament or defend its
work. Carrying on the Age of Law was not His goal, for He did not
care in the least whether His work was grounded in the Bible, but
simply did the job that He needed to do. So He did not attempt to
explain the Old Testament prophecies, did not base His work on words
spoken in the Old Testament Age of Law. He did not concern Himself
with what the Old Testament said, whether it accorded with His own
work, did not care how other people saw His work or condemned His
work. He simply kept on doing the job He needed to do, though many
people condemned Him, invoking the words of the Old Testament
prophets. In people’s eyes His work was not based on a shred of
evidence, and in many ways it ran counter to what was recorded in the
Bible. Were they not grossly in the wrong? Must God’s work obey any
rules? Does He need to follow the words of prophets? Which is
greater, the Bible or God? Why must God’s work be in line with the
Bible? Is it really not within His right to stand above the Bible?
Can He not depart from it and do other work? Why did Jesus and His
disciples not observe the Sabbath? If He was to observe the Sabbath,
to practice the commandments of the Old Testament, then why, after
His coming, did He not observe the Sabbath, but washed others’ feet
and covered His head, broke bread and drank wine? Were these
commandments mentioned in the Old Testament? If Jesus was to adhere
to the Old Testament, why did He break these rules? You must know
which came first, God, or the Bible? As He is the Lord of the
Sabbath, can’t He also be the Lord of the Bible?” I was
greatly enlightened by God’s words, and I understood this: “God
does not work according to the Bible, but speaks according to His
work. God has already come now, and He has opened the book, expressed
new words, and brought new ways outside the Bible.” At that time, I
knew why my mother and those people didn’t read the Bible. Then the
brother said to me, “God has unlocked all the mysteries in the
Bible, and all the truths have been made clear to us. You will
understand everything after you read the book of God’s word.” So,
I agreed to read the book and make an investigation.
Early next morning,
my mother said to me, “Read the book carefully. As long as you have
a seeking heart, God will enlighten you.” So I began to read the
book seriously. I sat there motionless for over four hours, reading
the book in tears. God is really wonderful. When I read with a
seeking heart, all the hindrances in my heart disappeared. I felt
that God was speaking to me, communing with me like a bosom friend,
so kindly and warmly. God says: “No one who believes in
Jesus is qualified to curse or condemn others. You should all be
someone who is rational and accepts the truth. Perhaps, having heard
the way of truth and read the word of life, you believe that only one
in 10,000 of these words are in line with your convictions and the
Bible, and then you should continue to seek in that 10,000th of these
words. I still advise you to be humble, to not be over-confident, and
to not exalt yourself too highly. With your heart holding such meager
reverence for God, you will gain greater light. If you carefully
examine and repeatedly contemplate these words, you shall understand
whether or not they are the truth, and whether or not they are life.
Perhaps, having only read a few sentences, some people will blindly
condemn these words, saying, ‘This is nothing more than some
enlightenment of the Holy Spirit,’ or, ‘This is a false Christ
come to deceive people.’ Those who say such things are blinded by
ignorance! You understand too little of the work and wisdom of God,
and I advise you to start again from scratch! You must not blindly
condemn the words expressed by God because of the appearance of false
Christs during the last days, and must not be someone who blasphemes
against the Holy Spirit because you fear deception. Would that not be
a great pity? If, after much examination, you still believe that
these words are not the truth, are not the way, and are not the
expression of God, then you shall ultimately be punished, and be
without blessings. If you cannot accept such truth spoken so plainly
and so clearly, then are you not unfit for God’s salvation? Are you
not someone who is not fortunate enough to return before the throne
of God? Think about it! Do not be rash and impetuous, and do not
treat belief in God as a game. Think for the sake of your
destination, for the sake of your prospects, for the sake of your
life, and do not play around with yourself. Can you accept these
words?” After reading God’s words, I felt extremely
ashamed. It was clear that these words were the truths. However, I
believed others’ rumors and didn’t seek or investigate but
blindly condemned and jumped to a conclusion. Wasn’t I trifling
with my life? I believed in God yet denied God and even held to the
Bible like the Pharisees of that time, thinking that it was wrong not
to read the Bible and it was forsaking the Lord’s way. I was really
too blind and ignorant!
I also read these
words of God: “Are you aware of the burden you shoulder,
your commission, and your responsibility? Where is your historic
sense of mission? How will you serve as a good master for the next
age? Do you have a great sense of masterhood? … How many people are
waiting for you to be their shepherd? Is your task a heavy one? They
are poor, pitiable, blind, and at a loss, wailing in the darkness,
‘Where is the way?’ … They have long been sealed off by the
ruthless ropes and the history that is frozen in place. Who has ever
heard the sound of their wailing? Who has ever seen their miserable
visage? Have you ever thought how grieved and anxious God’s heart
is? How can He bear to see the innocent mankind He Himself created
suffering such torment? After all, mankind are the unfortunates that
have been poisoned. Though they have survived to this day, who would
have thought that they have long been poisoned by the evil one? Have
you forgotten that you are one of the victims? Out of your love for
God, are you not willing to strive to save those who have survived?
Are you not willing to use all your effort to repay the God who loves
mankind like His own flesh and blood?” After reading these
words, I thought of what my uncle said, “Believers in Almighty God
have gone astray. They abandoned their families…” Now, I fully
understood why the believers in Almighty Godwere willing to give up
everything. It was because they were burdened with the sacred mission
to cooperate with God to rescue souls. Those rumors were purely
slanders of the unreasonable people who were ignorant of the inside
story. They were made out of nothing! We only saw that the believers
in Almighty God ran around all day long, but we never quieted
ourselves before God to think about and seek why they did so and what
drove them to run around. Now when I thought about those rumors
again, I realized that they were actually poorly fabricated, and if I
had given them some thought, I could have discerned them. I really
hated myself for having been so foolish and ignorant that I believed
whatever others said and didn’t read God’s word earlier. I was
too stubborn and too hardened in my heart, so that I missed many
opportunities to be saved by God. I was really a muddlehead without
any discernment! At that time, I regretted a lot. I was ashamed of my
yesterday’s ignorance, blushed at my echoing others’ words, and
felt bitterly remorseful for my stubborn disobedience. I knelt on the
floor and prayed in tears, “O Almighty God! I’ve misunderstood
You and grieved Your heart! You are the Lord Jesus we have been
expecting, but I didn’t know You and thought that my mother had
been taken captive by a ‘cult.’ Actually, she had already
returned to Your bosom, but I resisted You and offended You! O
Almighty God! I thank You that although I have been so disobedient
and detestable, You have tolerated me and taken me back to Your home.
Now, I won’t escape nor struggle. I only want to quiet my heart
before You to enjoy Your words and seek to know You!”
