Yang
Xiaohui
Jiyuan
City, Henan Province
I—a great sinner
guilty beyond forgiveness!
Before God
I have
committed monstrous sins. I resisted the Almighty God’s end-time
work by every possible means all along. I even condemned and
blasphemed God’s flesh, burned up the book of the Almighty God’s
word, and beat, abused, and insulted the brothers and sisters many
times who preached God’s new work. However, the Almighty God, who
is full of mercy and love, did not put me to death but stretched out
his hand of salvation and gave me the opportunity to be saved. Today,
facing God’s grace of salvation, I am in floods of tears and
overwhelmed with sorrow and regret….
I am Yang Xiaohui,
formerly a co-worker of the Praise Church. In 1996, when I was
studying in Wen County, the leader told us, “Now false christs and
deceivers run rampant. A cult called ‘the Eastern Lightning’ is
preaching everywhere that God has returned in the flesh as a female.
They deny the Bible and say that God has done the new work and spoken
the new word, and that new word is the opened little scroll. They
also say that only the little scroll can sanctify man. What they
preach victimizes people deeply. Once you listen to their preaching
or read their book, you will be deceived. At some place, the whole
church which consists of seventy to eighty believers has been
deceived into joining them. Moreover, they pay special attention to
deceiving leaders. They can receive 500 yuan whenever they convert
one person. If you want to back out after accepting what they preach,
they will cut off your ears, gouge out your eyes, or beat you up with
sticks. So, everyone must guard the gate of our church carefully.
Don’t receive anyone
who is not sent by our church.” At these
words, I was so frightened that my hair stood on end. I felt that
“the Eastern Lightning” was too terrible, and at the same time, I
had resistance in my heart: “It’s nonsense that the little scroll
can sanctify man. If one does not hold on to the Bible, he cannot
become holy even if he eats the little scroll!” From then on, I had
an irreconcilable hatred for “the Eastern Lightning” and began my
evil deeds of resisting God.
Right after I
returned home from my study, I went to seal the churches everywhere.
I told everyone not to receive anyone who was not sent by our
churches, lest they be deceived by “the Eastern Lightning.” We
also made it a rule to pray in shifts around the clock specially for
cursing “the Eastern Lightning” and asking God to hinder the work
of “the Lightning” and to strike down those “evildoers.” But
after we prayed and cursed for a period of time, to my great
surprise, “the Eastern Lightning” not only did not fail but
became more prosperous. Our churches, however, gradually lost the
working of the Holy Spirit. The believers in our churches had envy
and strife and formed factions among themselves, and they chatted and
dozed off in the meetings. The leaders intrigued against one another;
some started a new group, and some even simply returned to the
boundless world. Seeing such a condition of the churches, I felt
bitterly disappointed. Later, I fasted and prayed with several
co-workers, asking God to move us to achieve the oneness of the
churches, and to restore the brothers’ and sisters’ faith. But no
matter how hard we prayed and pleaded with weeping and tears, it was
to no avail. Our churches became more and more chaotic and had lost
the working of the Holy Spirit completely and also lost peace and
joy. Once, the brothers and sisters left for home after a revival
meeting. On their way it rained heavily, and some of them were washed
away by the flood unexpectedly. That was really perplexing. From then
on, the churches became more and more desolate. Fewer and fewer
people attended meetings, while more and more people accepted the
Almighty God. And my hatred toward “the Eastern Lightning” grew
deeper and deeper.
During the Spring
Festival in 1998, a relative of mine came to my home. In our chat, we
started to talk about the condition of the churches. Seeing me
worried, she advised me, “Don’t worry or lose heart. Seek and
pray in everything, and God will certainly guide you. Everything is
under God’s control. If God does not work, man’s hardest efforts
will be in vain.” Seeing me silent, she continued, “I hear that
now God has done a new work and no longer performs signs and wonders.
In the Old Testament Age of the Law, God issued the laws so that
people became conscious of sin. In the New Testament Age of the
Grace, Jesus did the redemptive work and asked people to repent and
confess their sins so that they could be justified through faith.
‘The dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them’
prophesied in Revelation refers to the Age of the Kingdom. It is the
work of breaking the seven seals and opening the scroll and is also
what the Holy Spirit says to the churches. In the end time, God,
through his word, does the work of conquering and perfecting people,
that is, the work of removing the root of sin. Now is the time to
reap the harvest, so God does the third stage of the work. …” The
more I listened, the more I felt there was something wrong. My
intuition told me that this was “the Eastern Lightning.” I
immediately questioned her: “What you believe in is ‘the Eastern
Lightning,’ isn’t it? That is a deceitful heresy, a cult. I will
never believe in it. If you believe in a cult and also want to
deceive me, I tell you, it’s no go! You’d better give up this
intent. Otherwise, get out of my house right now!”
“Don’t condemn
it blindly. It won’t be too late to draw a conclusion after you
listen!” she said composedly.
“You are simply a
fool. The Bible never mentions the three-stage work. As long as we
believe in Jesus, confess and repent of our sins, we will be saved.
When Jesus comes again, he will transform our fleshly bodies into
spiritual bodies in the twinkling of an eye. We will be caught up in
the air to meet the Lord and will enter into the glory together with
the Lord. Is there any need for the third stage of the work? That’s
simple nonsense!” I shouted at her angrily.
“Your thought is
too supernatural and wonderful. Can man go to heaven without becoming
truly holy?” she said slowly after a deep sigh.
As she spoke those
words, my leader’s “advice” suddenly occurred to me: “Do not
receive the people of ‘the Eastern Lightning’ or listen to their
preaching.” Then I did not want to talk about anything more with
her. Fearing that she would continue bothering me, I stood up and
said, “If you come to preach ‘the Lightning,’ go away right
now. We are not on the same path now. You believe in your three-stage
work, and I still believe in my Lord Jesus.”
“You don’t
understand, so don’t rush to condemn it. Please have a listen and
see whether it is the truth and whether it is God’s work. If you
don’t believe after listening, I won’t force you,” she said
more genially, seeming not to mind my attitude.
“Ah! You still
ask me to listen?” I shouted at her angrily as if I had eaten
gunpowder. “How can you be so brazen-faced? I have said that I
don’t believe, and I mean it! I will never be deceived by you or go
to hell with you. In no way will I be fooled by you. Don’t think
that you can preach this deceitful way to me and then get money. Stop
your beautiful dream of making money! In my place, humph! You are not
allowed to preach to anyone in my church. If you do, I won’t be so
easy on you!” So saying, I drove her out of the door by pushing and
pulling. A load was eventually taken off my mind. I thought to
myself, “From now on, I have to strictly guard the churches, lest
the brothers and sisters be ‘deceived.’”
After a few days,
she came again with her face radiating happiness. And she smiled at
me, gentle and kind. As soon as I saw her, I flew into a rage and
started shouting abuse: “How come you devil come again? Is it
because your ‘prince of the devils’ is unhappy with you or
because you haven’t got money? I tell you seriously, in the future,
the Christ I believe in will judge the ‘false christ’ you believe
in, as well as you small satan. When it’s time, Jesus will surely
cast you down to deepest hell and throw you into the lake of fire and
brimstone where you will have a great ‘enjoyment’! At that time,
nothing can be changed even if your eyes are blinded by tears and
your bowels broken by regret! That’s just your outcome, because
Jesus is righteous. And we will feast our eyes on it in heaven!”
“Ay, your today
is my yesterday. Because men have all been corrupted by satan too
deeply, everyone will act like this before knowing the facts. Will
you please listen to the testimony? You haven’t seen the truth that
God has expressed at present, so you don’t know the direction of
the Holy Spirit’s working, what God wants to do in the end time,
and what kind of people can enter into the kingdom. If you don’t
know these but only wait to go to heaven, you will regret one day.”
She said with sadness instead of being offended by my words.
“I am a
co-worker, and I preach everywhere. How can you say that I don’t
know how the Holy Spirit works and what kind of people can go to
heaven? That’s simply ridiculous! A person like you? Humph! You’re
illiterate and look so silly. Can you know the working of the Holy
Spirit? You really don’t know how high the sky is and how thick the
earth is!” As I thought of this, I said fiercely, “It is you who
should regret, not me. And it is you who should be punished by Jesus.
You yourself have been deceived and you even try to deceive others.
The Lord will not let you off easily. If you continue running around
like this, what awaits you is the eternal punishment, and the lake of
fire is your destination!”
“It’s not man
who can condemn, but God.” With that, she changed the subject and
said, “Can you tell me what the fruit of the Holy Spirit is?”
“Love, joy,
peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and
self-control,” I said angrily.
“Well recited.
But hatred, anger, envy, and strife are all from the desires of the
flesh. The believers in Jesus should not have these, right? In James,
it says: ‘faith without deeds is dead,’” she said immediately,
with a smile.
Unwilling to be
outdone, I said in a shameful rage, “You even rebuke me. I won’t
fall for your trick. Don’t waste your breath or your efforts! From
now on, you are not my relative, and you are not allowed to come to
my home again. If you come, I will break your legs and report you to
the police!” As I said that, I pushed her outward. While pushing, I
shouted, “Come and look, everyone! This deceiver is really
shameless. She has believed in a cult and also wants to deceive me!”
My shout drew several onlookers. Hearing it, a person said, “How
can you do so? Since she doesn’t believe, let her be! Why pester
her? You really make a fool of yourself. If you don’t leave, we
will call the police to arrest you!” Yet another said, “Well,
don’t do that. Let her go. You are both believers in God. Is it
necessary? She does so maybe because she thinks hers is right.” At
that moment, I laughed to myself: “Now, you find yourself on the
spot. I’ll see what you will say.” However, she said as if
nothing had happened, “Nothing, nothing. I just passed by and had a
casual chat with her. I’m not a deceiver at all.” So saying, she
left.
Looking at her
receding figure, I thought proudly, “Well, today I put you on the
spot and humiliate you in the street. I’ll see how you can have the
face to come in the future.” I gloated somewhat, feeling that I had
“gotten rid of the evildoer” this time.
I never expected
that two days later she came again as if nothing had happened. On
that day, it happened that I was alone at home with the door bolted.
Hearing someone knocking at the door, I looked through the crack of
the door. “Oh, her again? How can there be so shameless a person in
the world?” As if I had got an electric shock, I turned around and
entered the room without looking back. I thought to myself, “If you
don’t leave, you can stay outside guarding the door! I’ll see how
long you can stay.” Two hours passed, and I could no longer stay in
the room. So I went out to see whether she had left. This time she
did leave, but a parcel was left at my door. I opened it and saw a
letter and a book called The Truth That Must Be Equipped. “Perhaps
this is the ‘little scroll’ they preach about. I absolutely can’t
read it lest I be deceived.” As I thought of this, I said to
myself, “May the disaster go with the person who brought this book!
The One I believe in is the Lord who bestows blessings and is not….”
As I said that, I lighted the book and was delighted to myself:
“Curses will come upon the person who brought the book.”
Surprisingly, early
next morning, she braved the cold and came again, travel-stained. At
that time, I was sweeping the floor. When I looked up and saw it was
her again, I became so furious that I almost blacked out. I shouted
abuse at her: “You are simply shameless!” Then, I put the broom
up and wanted to beat her, but she stood still and said smilingly,
“Go ahead! As long as you believe in the Almighty God, it is worth
it even if I am beaten to death. As long as Jesus allows you to beat
me, just go ahead!” I was dumbfounded and put down the broom in
spite of myself. She took the chance to say, “Have you read the
letter and the book I gave you? Actually, there is no harm in taking
a look. If you feel that one ten thousandth of the words in the book
is God’s work after you read it, please continue to seek. God will
inspire and guide you. If you don’t think it is God’s word or
God’s work, just return it to me. I won’t force…”
Before she finished
her words, I said angrily, “The book has been burned by me. You
can’t get it back. I burned it lest you take it to deceive others!”
Disappointment showed in her sincere eyes, and she said sorrowfully,
“You really shouldn’t do that! May God have mercy on you!”
After saying that, she left sadly with her head hanging down.
From then on,
booklets and letters were continually brought to my home, and I
burned them all without mercy. Also I kept praying to Jesus to curse
the people of “the Eastern Lightning” and to stop their
footsteps. However, many humiliations, many curses and abuses, and
many destructions did not hinder their firm steps. In the dewy
mornings, they had ever come; at the pitch-dark nights, they had ever
come; at the scorching noons, they had ever come; in the cold
winters, they had ever come; in the hot summers, they had ever come….
They tried all means to persuade me and waited silently, yet my heart
was still as hard as before, never moved by them. Not only so, but I
studied the Bible harder, dreaming of fighting against “the Eastern
Lightning” to the end. I spent two years in the war without the
smoke of gunpowder, during which I always considered myself to be
guarding the house for the Lord and performing my duty faithfully.
But somehow the Lord did not bestow peace and joy upon me according
to my “faithfulness”; on the contrary, I felt darker and darker
in spirit. Even worse, at night I was often woken up by nightmares
and always heard a voice saying: “You fool, wake up!” I thought
that it was probably because I was not “faithful” enough to the
Lord, so I studied the Bible even harder, trying to find from it
something that could wake me up. One day, I read Matthew 7:18-20: “A
good tree cannot bear bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot bear good
fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and
thrown into the fire. Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.”
After I read these words, her image flashed into my mind. I thought
to myself, “Judging from her speech and behavior…. Could it be
that what she preaches is the true way? Why is the fruit she bears
that of the Holy Spirit? She has gentleness, humility, and patience,
and she has lived up to ‘forgiving others seventy times seven.’
I, however, have expressed anger, self-rightness, self-conceit, and
jealousy. Aren’t all these from the desires of the flesh?” At
that moment, I felt surprised, bewildered, and upset. Then I turned
to 1 Corinthians 6:1-8: “If any of you has a dispute with another,
dare he take it before the ungodly for judgment…. But instead, one
brother goes to law against another—and this in front of
unbelievers! The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you
have been completely defeated already. … Instead, you yourselves
cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers.” Having read
this, I could not help examining myself: Compared with theirs, my
words and actions are really contrary to the Lord’s teachings. The
Lord asks us to love our enemies and to pray for those who persecute
us. How about me? I insult, abuse, and even beat them. Could this be
what the Lord teaches me to do? I blindly condemn what they preach
without reading, listening, or seeking. How could this be what a
believer in God should do? It is simply satan’s expression. I felt
unpeaceful. “What should I do? Should I believe in what they
preach? No! If I am really deceived, I will be finished. And I have
publicly said in the churches that no one is allowed to receive them
or listen to their preaching.” I found myself in a dilemma. Having
no choice, I told this thought to one of my co-workers. She advised
me, “Haven’t you said that ‘the Eastern Lightning’ is
deceitful and cannot be accepted? Don’t let your mind wander. Pray
to the Lord earnestly and ask him to help you get rid of this
thought.” I tried praying as she told me for several days, but this
thought could not be wiped from my mind and it kept troubling me. I
tried hard to figure out why but in vain, so I came
before God again
and prayed, “O Lord, please help me and lead me in the way I should
go. Please give me the gift of distinguishing between spirits and
give me intelligence and wisdom as well.” To my surprise, I felt
extremely assured after I had such a prayer. I then made a decision:
I will personally go into the “tiger’s den” to bring the whole
thing to light and see whether ‘the Eastern Lightning’ is the
true way and whether it is God’s work.
Before long, I
pretended to accept what they preached, and joined “the Eastern
Lightning.” When I attended a meeting in their church, I was
shocked at what I saw. It was completely different from what I had
imagined that they were “promiscuous” and “filthy and dirty,”
as different as heaven from earth. I saw that they behaved properly.
They read God’s words and spoke out freely their knowledge of them
based on their states. Furthermore, they focused on knowing their own
corruptions and deficiencies and fellowshipped with one another about
God’s intention and love for man. They sang and danced to praise
God, each released and free. Seeing all these, I was delighted in my
heart. “Is this their meeting? Isn’t this the scene we have
desired and thirsted for a long time?” I could hardly believe my
eyes. As I had more contact with them, my misunderstandings about and
resistance against “the Eastern Lightning” gradually faded away.
In order to preach God’s end-time work to the brothers and sisters,
they braved hardships or tiredness and endured the rejections,
slanders, and even beatings from the people of various sects and
denominations. Sometimes, after they came back, they also felt
passive and sad because of the weakness of their flesh, but because
of God’s love and God’s anxious heart, they became strong again,
neither discouraged nor disappointed. And they encouraged one another
and fellowshipped about their mistakes and deficiencies with one
another. Besides, they often came before God and prayed with weeping
and tears for those who refused to accept the Almighty God, asking
God to inspire them and not to punish them. They did so time and time
again until they brought them before God. Actually, all the
sufferings and humiliations they endured were to satisfy God and to
carry out the will of God. I was moved somewhat by that, yet my
craftiness made me still unable to believe them easily. I thought,
“Who knows how they will treat a person who withdraws midway? Maybe
they won’t be so ‘kind’!” So I carried out my second
plan—withdrawing midway and finding out the truth of the matter.
The fact was
utterly contrary to my expectation. As soon as I stopped attending
their meeting, they came to my home one after another and asked me
with deep concern, “Is it because you have a prejudice against
someone? Or because what we fellowshipped about is too high for you
to accept or understand? Or because there is any difficulty in your
family? If you are not clear about the vision—the three-stage work,
we can fellowship with you again. …” Their caring words made me
not know what to do, but I was adamant. Again and again, they
continued to visit me, fellowship with me patiently, read God’s
word to me, and sincerely pray before God for me. They even took the
trouble to fellowship about God’s work with me from first to last.
… All of these were striking my numb spirit and softening my
hardened heart. Finally, my last “line of defense” collapsed! I
shed remorseful tears for their love without complaint or regret, for
God’s kind intention in saving me, and for my extreme unworthiness.
With my eyes bedimmed with tears, I felt that God was leading me and
waiting for me. I could no longer control myself but fell face down
to the ground and wept bitterly. I hated myself for being blind and
foolish. I hated myself for being arrogant and disobedient. I hated
myself for what I had said and done to resist and abuse God
haughtily. I hated myself even more for my heartless evil deeds of
frenziedly sealing the churches. “O God! How can I redeem the
monstrous sins that I have committed? …”
Only then did I
know that I was absolutely an embodiment of satan and the foremost of
sinners who resisted God’s work. The one who should be cursed and
put into deepest hell was not others but me. The lake of fire and
brimstone should be my destination. As one who believed in God yet
frenziedly resisted God, what virtue did I have that I received such
an uplifting from God? God not only did not remember my
transgressions or punish me, but gave me the opportunity to be saved.
I deeply felt that I was extremely unworthy. The tolerance of the
Almighty God was as boundless as the sea and sky. It was the Almighty
God’s limitless and measureless love that had come upon me. For
that, I would do my utmost to repay God’s love and let all the
brothers and sisters who were living under satan’s authority and
who were deceived and used by it, know the truth of the matter and
know how great the salvation of the Almighty God was.
When I, full of
enthusiasm and confidence, came to the homes of the brothers and
sisters who had been very close to me and who had shared hardships
with me, what I saw made me disgraced and grieved. On hearing that I
came to preach the Almighty God, they shouted loudly, “You
apostate! How can you have the face to come to preach? It’s you who
told us not to listen at that time, but now you ask us to listen.
Probably you are bribed to deceive us.” Then they pushed me out of
the door without giving me a chance to explain. From then on, they
even did not let me in.
From them, I see
the me of yesterday, and I am extremely ashamed. Faced with their
attitude, I do not complain because I deserve it; I do not feel
discouraged because God’s love is encouraging me; I do not feel
disappointed because I have seen God’s grace of salvation on me. I
only sincerely call on those so-called “faithful” “servants”
of Jesus and brothers and sisters to wake up quickly! Don’t
accumulate the evidence of your sins for God’s judgment anymore.
Don’t accumulate God’s wrath for your tomorrow anymore. This is
because when that day comes, the great and awesome Almighty God will
judge all nations and all peoples. No one can hinder it and no one
can do it in his stead! At that time, nothing can be changed even if
you are heartbroken with regret. Believe! Repent! Open the door!
